SHORT STORY... AN ODE TO 30 ROCK AND ITS TALENTED LEADS

SHORT STORY: THE TINA FEY CONFEDERACY...


"God, this had better be good! It is 3am!!!" Liz Lemon screamed into the phone.

The unknown caller assured her, "Mizzz Lemon, it is most definitely worth your time! Trust us!"

"Who is this," Liz demanded, as the mystery started to get on her nerves.

"What we are about to ask you to do is patriotism of the highest order... what we are about to ask of you involves our national security...," the caller said, cleverly pacing himself for maximum dramatic effect.

If nothing else, he knew what a sucker Liz Lemon was for conspiratorial things and he was determined to milk it to the max.

"Ooo, tell me more," she demurely said, after pausing for a few seconds. "I am all ears..."

"Mizzz Lemon... we want you to step into Sarah Palin's shoes!," the caller said.

"Are you crazy?" Liz immediately shot back. "Are you insane?.... Anyway, how would you know if the shoe fits?"

"Mizzz Lemon, we cannot risk having a stupid woman like Sarah Palin possibly running this great Republican nation of ours! We will handle her capture, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about that. What you WOULD need to do is be at the place and the time that we tell you to, to make the switch!," the stranger went on.

The audacity of the suggestion silenced Liz for a few seconds. Which is an eternity, actually, if you knew Liz at all.

"And as for Sarah Palin's husband Todd..." the caller said, before he was immediately interrupted.

"DO I GET TO SCREW HIM?" Liz immediately shot back. "God, say YES! Say YES, dammit!" This single woman in New York was beginning to lose it. Her hormones were raging wilder than the Niagara Falls, worst even than the Brazilian forest ablaze from forest clearance!

"Yes, you will get to do that.... but on condition.... FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN -- STOP JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON YOUR BED!... thanks, that's better... as I was saying, on condition that you push through policies that we tell you to... Oh, dammit..." the caller cussed as he was distracted by some background noise.

"Oh my God -- is that Colleen's voice in the background? Jack, is that you?" Liz demanded.

"Don't be silly Mizzz Lemon! Of course it is NOT me."

"Hey, it IS you, Jack. Jack you son of a gun! I knew I recognized Elaine Stritch's voice in the background..."

"Stay in character Lemon! The name is Colleen Donaghy, not Elaine Stritch, THANK YOU! Yes, mother, I will get you your vodka lime... sheesh... that woman is like a Elvira, the walking dead and Godzilla all rolled into one!"

"Jack Donaghy! I can't believe you woke me up at this ungodly hour to play a prank on me! But I must say the voice distorter I got for you for your birthday yesterday works really well. I didn't recognize your voice at all! You almost got me! Hey, how come your mother's voice still sounds the same...?" Liz characteristically said.

"That because this woman is not of this Earth, that's why! YES MOTHER, I AM GETTING YOUR DRINK NOW! HOLD YOUR HORSES -- if you haven't devoured them yet!.... Gotta go Lemon. See you at work tomorrow!"

Photos:
1. 30 Rock cast (publicity shot)

2. Liz Lemon & Jack Donaghy photo from http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/entertainment_tv/30_rock/index.html

A VERY SHORT STORY... kind of X-rated

Impalin' the Palins

"Hey sweetiebun! You know what we are gonna do when we go live in the Whitehouse?", Todd whispered breathlessly, looking up intently at Sarah's chin.

Sarah put her book down and looked down and glared at Todd in his favourite school-marmish way and she said (just as he winked at her and flashed her a horny smile and grunted -- in case you wondered that's how small town folks are, always behaving as if they are a load of walking cliches).

Anyway, Sarah said: "Look here honey, McCain will be living in the Whitehouse. I am just a VP! Get that through your thick skull,", then she gently touched his head and said, "I mean, your beautiful thick skull," and she grunted at him too. They were like Marge and Homer Simpson all throaty giggles and horny laughter. Or, like turkeys gobbling in a farmyard. Take your pick.

Then, when he started gently grabbing her, she sternly said in a mock-threatening way, "Don't make me grab my shotgun!"

"You mean this," he put his hand on his crotch.

The two were in bed, and Todd had his head on her lap with their little baby sleeping beside him. Their conversation was at whisper level, so as not to awaken the baby.

Looking slightly serious, Todd then said, "C'mon, you know that McCain feller ain't got that much time and the Whitehouse is as good as yours! The first thing we are going to do when we take over the Whitehouse is we're gonna make a new Whitehouse baby! You'd like that, right!"

She didn't say anything. Sarah, smiled benignly at him, thinking to herself, "Great, Todd! Always thinking with your dick! The world will think the Whitehouse is really full of Republican fuckers! Gawd, I'd left him ages ago if the sex wasn't so good!"

THE END


Photo: Sarah and Todd Palin in photo by Al Grillo for Associated Press in NYT

NEW YORK TIMES' EDITORIAL ON SARAH PALIN

This editorial by New York Times, discussing Republican Sarah Palin as a very poor choice of vice-president candidate by Republican presidential candidate John McCain is a profound piece of writing. This is the kind of writing that sets NYT worlds apart from the others. Read it...

September 13, 2008
EDITORIAL
Gov. Palin’s Worldview

As we watched Sarah Palin on TV the last couple of days, we kept wondering what on earth John McCain was thinking.

If he seriously thought this first-term governor — with less than two years in office — was qualified to be president, if necessary, at such a dangerous time, it raises profound questions about his judgment. If the choice was, as we suspect, a tactical move, then it was shockingly irresponsible.

It was bad enough that Ms. Palin’s performance in the first televised interviews she has done since she joined the Republican ticket was so visibly scripted and lacking in awareness.

What made it so much worse is the strategy for which the Republicans have made Ms. Palin the frontwoman: win the White House not on ideas, but by denigrating experience, judgment and qualifications.

The idea that Americans want leaders who have none of those things — who are so blindly certain of what Ms. Palin calls “the mission” that they won’t even pause for reflection — shows a contempt for voters and raises frightening questions about how Mr. McCain and Ms. Palin plan to run this country.

One of the many bizarre moments in the questioning by ABC News’s Charles Gibson was when Ms. Palin, the governor of Alaska, excused her lack of international experience by sneering that Americans don’t want “somebody’s big fat résumé maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment where, yes, they’ve had opportunities to meet heads of state.”

We know we were all supposed to think of Joe Biden. But it sure sounded like a good description of Mr. McCain. Those decades of experience earned the Arizona senator the admiration of people in both parties. They are why he was our preferred candidate in the Republican primaries.

The interviews made clear why Americans should worry about Ms. Palin’s thin résumé and lack of experience. Consider her befuddlement when Mr. Gibson referred to President Bush’s “doctrine” and her remark about having insight into Russia because she can see it from her state.

But that is not what troubled us most about her remarks — and, remember, if they were scripted, that just means that they reflect Mr. McCain’s views all the more closely. Rather, it was the sense that thoughtfulness, knowledge and experience are handicaps for a president in a world populated by Al Qaeda terrorists, a rising China, epidemics of AIDS, poverty and fratricidal war in the developing world and deep economic distress at home.

Ms. Palin talked repeatedly about never blinking. When Mr. McCain asked her to run for vice president? “You have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission,” she said, that “you can’t blink.”

Fighting terrorism? “We must do whatever it takes, and we must not blink, Charlie, in making those tough decisions of where we go and even who we target.”

Her answers about why she had told her church that President Bush’s failed policy in Iraq was “God’s plan” did nothing to dispel our concerns about her confusion between faith and policy. Her claim that she was quoting a completely unrelated comment by Lincoln was absurd.

This nation has suffered through eight years of an ill-prepared and unblinkingly obstinate president. One who didn’t pause to think before he started a disastrous war of choice in Iraq. One who blithely looked the other way as the Taliban and Al Qaeda regrouped in Afghanistan. One who obstinately cut taxes and undercut all efforts at regulation, unleashing today’s profound economic crisis.

In a dangerous world, Americans need a president who knows that real strength requires serious thought and preparation.

Photo from New York Times

LIPSTICK ON A PIG... LIPSTICK ON MY COLLAR...

Barack Obama did something he should not have done: stoop to the low levels of the Republicans.

He sure did when he said, "...You can put Lipstick on a pig -- it is still a pig!"

The jibe is squarely directed at Republican Sarah Palin, the woman from probably the most corrupt state in the U.S. and the-now-an-interesting-choice-of-candidate-for-vice-president but-soon-to-be-a-costly-mistake-for-McCain gal.

Obama should have left her to her own downfall -- she is a failed mother (how she is going to govern the most powerful nation in the world when she can't even be a good parent, is anyone's guess), a creationist who is going to screw things up is a big way in this modern and increasingly free-thinking world (my bet is that she will be so out of whack with the rest of the world, that Europe is going to laugh all the way to the top position as the dominant world-influence peddler -- and let's face it, Europe is all about what people around teh world want: modernizing society; equality of the people and empowerment of the masses; and the U.S. is soon going to be non-invincible should Palin take a mistep)

Anyway, we managed to sit down with Miss Piggy, of The Muppets fame, and she had a thing or two to say about the Presidential election in the United States.

FD: Yo pig, what's up!?

Miss Piggy: Snort! Snort! Hey you lambchop! How ya doin?

FD: Doin good. WHat do you thin of Obama's crack about pigs and lipstick?

Miss Piggy: It was an utter insult! I am no Republican, in case you didn't know. I am a Democrat pig, like all them other pigs!

FD: Yikes! That didn't sound quite right! Anyway, do you actually wear lipstick?

Miss Piggy: I sure do. My favorite shade is pork-chop red!

FD: Pork-chop? Hmmm, I feel hungry suddenly. C'here my little bacon!

Miss Piggy: Err, ciao kids!

FD: Wow... that pig sure can fly!

And Miss Piggy ran like hell and disappeared into the horizon.



Photo of Miss Piggy from New York Times website.

Photo of Sarah "Lipstick on a pig" Palin from BBC MUNDO website.

THE GATHERING OF HICKS TAKES PLACE...

Minneapolis was descended by a horde of Republican hicks recently where Republican John McCain was officially nominated by his fellow Republicans to be the next Presidental candidate. Unfortunately, for the rest of the world, anyway, as if the thought of McCain running the United States wasn't horrific enough -- Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was nominated to the be McCain's vice-president.

Worst of all, the Republican National Convention, on the whole, looked like the National Convention of the Aged, with so many oldies in the audience. McCain himself, apparently, ran free with the dinosaurs!

This is about when the world will run and hide for cover in fear of irrational American foreign policy should the US fall into the hands of Republicans in the November elections.

As a result, all the liberals and progressives are now intently channeling all their positive thoughts towards Democrats Barack Obama and Joe Biden to take the top two posts in the US come the the November elections.

These photos from the venerable New York Times show the faces of Republicans (and their hats, too!) at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis. Oh, the man facing the audience in the hatful picture is President George W. Bush, the numero uno Republican at the moment.

SARAH PALIN... A DANGER TO THE REST OF THE WORLD

The strange folks in the United States who call themselves Republicans may have forced themselves to like like the idea of having Sarah Palin as a vice-president of the United States (and a definite shoo-in for the US presidency seeing how ancient John McCain is!) but take it from me that the rest of the world finds her repugnant.

She is a poster girl for NRA and comes from a state known for corruption. She is a woman who is going to damage the US and its ties to the rest of the world.If anything should happen to McCain, will the world be ready to deal with a US president who will literally behaves as if she is having her p****d? Or, what happens when she becomes menopausal? God help us all!!!!!!!

Palin's stand on her her daughter's five-month old pregnancy is rather liberal, if you ask us. What is baffling is the conservative Christians amongst the Republicans are all out supporting Palin's daughter when we all know that the hypocrites are saying in their hearts, "Shit, Palin's shameless young daughter has no self-control. What a lusty beast she must be!"

And sex, let us not kid ourselves, is all about pleasure and orgasms for youngsters. Not some noble desire to create offsprings. That offspring, if there is one, is purely an accident.

Oh, and John McCain was so obviously ignorant of Palin's daughter's pregnancy. Otherwise, he would NOT have gone anywhere near Palin, must less nominate her as a vice-president. To try and make a positive spin of Palin's daughter's pregnancy is so not a conservative thing!

Photo of Sarah Palin from Seattle Times.

HILLARY WHO??? JUST KIDDING -- WE LUV YA OLD GIRL!

Hillary Clinton was my preferred choice for President of Unite States. Unfortunately, a few misteps by her -- not to mention the awesomeness of Barack Obama -- has made Obama the choice candidate for the US presidency.

Anyway, we love ya Hillary. Great speech at the Democratic National Convention.

As for Obama, he is making all the right moves. It will be interesting to see him become the president of the United States. Obama's choice of Joe Biden as vice president is positively and infinitely more inspired than Sarah Palin by Obama's rival for the US presidency, John McCain. (McCain, in case you have not read my earlier blog entry, is Paris Hilton's arch nemesis.)

Anyway, here are some nice photos:

1. Hillary Clinton picture from UK's most excellent Telegraph UK website
2. Barack Obama portrait shot by the incomparable Martin Schoeller

HURRICANE GUSTAV FIZZLES... AS DOES SARAH PALIN

Sometimes one never knows if the media are making things up for the sake of scoring big on the ratings games or they are just stupid. The way CNN was going on and on about Hurricane Gustav, with the visuals of menacing red swirls approaching New Orleans in its weather reports, I was on the edge of my seat, almost fainting from the coverage-fatigue. "Ooo, that red swirl of the storm that CNN keeps showing must mean Hollywood-special-effects-grade kind of destruction for New Orleans!" I'd thought.

No, I am not evil and do not wish such a thing on the inhabitants of New Orleans. And I was happiest when the leaders there instructed people to evacuate parts that were in the path of Hurricane Gustav. My grouse is the emotional fatigue everyone went through because the American media spinning the web and trying to outdo one another in the doom-and-gloom-weather-forecast stakes.

From Category 3 storm, Gustav was downgraded to Category 2. And the quality of news coverage fizzled as did the storm. Thankfully!!!!! Amen! Now we can also focus our undivided attention on Sarah Palin and how unsuitable she is as a candidate for VP. Boy, does McCain suck in his choice of VP as far as the world audience is concerned! And CNN's Jonathan Mann and that other old guy (as Paris Hilton would have put it!) who're covering the Republican convention are so very lame as Republican apologists as far as Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter is concerned.

Anyway, back to Hurricane Gustav, it was a serious enough storm -- as these pictures from New York Times show.

(The weather maps are from CNN -- the red-yellow-green swirly one -- as well as from the US National Hurricane Center at http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/index.shtml)

LIZ LEMON.... IS THAT YOU? A VP??????

John McCain's choice of candidate as vice-president would make or break his presidency bid, I'd thought. And when I saw his choice -- LIZ LEMON!!!!!! -- I thought Obama was doomed. Who on Earth could counter the brilliant choice of Liz Lemon as a vice-president candidate. It was an inspired choice, I thought.

Then I realized that it was NOT ACTUALLY the lovable Liz Lemon (the brilliant alter-ego created by Tina Fey for her superb television comedy series, 30 Rock), but someone called Sarah Palin.

I don't know who Palin is, and frankly, because don't care. I don't think a country like the United States can afford to risk having a woman as President. McCain is 72, and the chance is there that if anything happens to him, the most powerful country in the world would fall onto the lap of a 44-year old woman. It is a risk no American should be willing to take, I think.

(Don't take me wrong, I think Germany's Angela Merkel is a brilliant leader. But that is because Germany is a country with a superb due-process system in place and so Merkel only had to oversee Deutschland. But running a country like the US would, to a large part, be dependent on the personality of its leader. And the emotions of its leader. And a woman at the top spells trouble.)

Pictures of:
1. Sarah Palin and John McCain
2. The incomparable Tina Fey