SHORT STORY... AN ODE TO 30 ROCK AND ITS TALENTED LEADS

SHORT STORY: THE TINA FEY CONFEDERACY...


"God, this had better be good! It is 3am!!!" Liz Lemon screamed into the phone.

The unknown caller assured her, "Mizzz Lemon, it is most definitely worth your time! Trust us!"

"Who is this," Liz demanded, as the mystery started to get on her nerves.

"What we are about to ask you to do is patriotism of the highest order... what we are about to ask of you involves our national security...," the caller said, cleverly pacing himself for maximum dramatic effect.

If nothing else, he knew what a sucker Liz Lemon was for conspiratorial things and he was determined to milk it to the max.

"Ooo, tell me more," she demurely said, after pausing for a few seconds. "I am all ears..."

"Mizzz Lemon... we want you to step into Sarah Palin's shoes!," the caller said.

"Are you crazy?" Liz immediately shot back. "Are you insane?.... Anyway, how would you know if the shoe fits?"

"Mizzz Lemon, we cannot risk having a stupid woman like Sarah Palin possibly running this great Republican nation of ours! We will handle her capture, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about that. What you WOULD need to do is be at the place and the time that we tell you to, to make the switch!," the stranger went on.

The audacity of the suggestion silenced Liz for a few seconds. Which is an eternity, actually, if you knew Liz at all.

"And as for Sarah Palin's husband Todd..." the caller said, before he was immediately interrupted.

"DO I GET TO SCREW HIM?" Liz immediately shot back. "God, say YES! Say YES, dammit!" This single woman in New York was beginning to lose it. Her hormones were raging wilder than the Niagara Falls, worst even than the Brazilian forest ablaze from forest clearance!

"Yes, you will get to do that.... but on condition.... FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN -- STOP JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON YOUR BED!... thanks, that's better... as I was saying, on condition that you push through policies that we tell you to... Oh, dammit..." the caller cussed as he was distracted by some background noise.

"Oh my God -- is that Colleen's voice in the background? Jack, is that you?" Liz demanded.

"Don't be silly Mizzz Lemon! Of course it is NOT me."

"Hey, it IS you, Jack. Jack you son of a gun! I knew I recognized Elaine Stritch's voice in the background..."

"Stay in character Lemon! The name is Colleen Donaghy, not Elaine Stritch, THANK YOU! Yes, mother, I will get you your vodka lime... sheesh... that woman is like a Elvira, the walking dead and Godzilla all rolled into one!"

"Jack Donaghy! I can't believe you woke me up at this ungodly hour to play a prank on me! But I must say the voice distorter I got for you for your birthday yesterday works really well. I didn't recognize your voice at all! You almost got me! Hey, how come your mother's voice still sounds the same...?" Liz characteristically said.

"That because this woman is not of this Earth, that's why! YES MOTHER, I AM GETTING YOUR DRINK NOW! HOLD YOUR HORSES -- if you haven't devoured them yet!.... Gotta go Lemon. See you at work tomorrow!"

Photos:
1. 30 Rock cast (publicity shot)

2. Liz Lemon & Jack Donaghy photo from http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/entertainment_tv/30_rock/index.html

THE GATHERING OF HICKS TAKES PLACE...

Minneapolis was descended by a horde of Republican hicks recently where Republican John McCain was officially nominated by his fellow Republicans to be the next Presidental candidate. Unfortunately, for the rest of the world, anyway, as if the thought of McCain running the United States wasn't horrific enough -- Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was nominated to the be McCain's vice-president.

Worst of all, the Republican National Convention, on the whole, looked like the National Convention of the Aged, with so many oldies in the audience. McCain himself, apparently, ran free with the dinosaurs!

This is about when the world will run and hide for cover in fear of irrational American foreign policy should the US fall into the hands of Republicans in the November elections.

As a result, all the liberals and progressives are now intently channeling all their positive thoughts towards Democrats Barack Obama and Joe Biden to take the top two posts in the US come the the November elections.

These photos from the venerable New York Times show the faces of Republicans (and their hats, too!) at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis. Oh, the man facing the audience in the hatful picture is President George W. Bush, the numero uno Republican at the moment.

SARAH PALIN... A DANGER TO THE REST OF THE WORLD

The strange folks in the United States who call themselves Republicans may have forced themselves to like like the idea of having Sarah Palin as a vice-president of the United States (and a definite shoo-in for the US presidency seeing how ancient John McCain is!) but take it from me that the rest of the world finds her repugnant.

She is a poster girl for NRA and comes from a state known for corruption. She is a woman who is going to damage the US and its ties to the rest of the world.If anything should happen to McCain, will the world be ready to deal with a US president who will literally behaves as if she is having her p****d? Or, what happens when she becomes menopausal? God help us all!!!!!!!

Palin's stand on her her daughter's five-month old pregnancy is rather liberal, if you ask us. What is baffling is the conservative Christians amongst the Republicans are all out supporting Palin's daughter when we all know that the hypocrites are saying in their hearts, "Shit, Palin's shameless young daughter has no self-control. What a lusty beast she must be!"

And sex, let us not kid ourselves, is all about pleasure and orgasms for youngsters. Not some noble desire to create offsprings. That offspring, if there is one, is purely an accident.

Oh, and John McCain was so obviously ignorant of Palin's daughter's pregnancy. Otherwise, he would NOT have gone anywhere near Palin, must less nominate her as a vice-president. To try and make a positive spin of Palin's daughter's pregnancy is so not a conservative thing!

Photo of Sarah Palin from Seattle Times.