OMIGOD! What's wrong with me? She has not made any sound to attract my attention in 30 seconds! What is she doing? What's more important than me? NOTHING! Nothing is more important than me!
I'd better go see what she is up to? Oh, I'd better be nonchalant! Don't want the old girl to think I am desperate... I know, I will lick the back of my shoulder. Mmmm, that's nice. OMIGOD! If anyone could read my mind, they'd think I was speaking at bullet-speed! It'd be their own fault anyway -- they must pace themselves like an elegant cat if they want to read these thoughts of mine!
Yes, slow down when reading this human jottings of my thoughts.
I know, now I shall splay my legs and lick my bottom! Hmm, no more of that new cat food for me. I must boycott it next time she puts the filthy thing in my bowl Oh, time to sit up and clean my face. Left paw first... one, two three.... wipe, lick, wipe,lickwipelickwipe! Now, right paw.... Ok, I think I look nice and clean now. I am ready for the old girl now. I shall move soundlessly as only us excellent cats can... aah! there she is!
Shit! She's staring at the light box again on the table... ok, ok, must jump up... take up position... hesitate... take pre-leap pouncing position again... GOD! I am getting old!!! Ooomphff! Voila -- I am on the table!
"Hello there my little pussy cat! Where have you been sweetiekins? What do you want my little munchkins! What does baby want from mommy?" -- God, I wish I could understand what she is saying. But I like the tone of her voice. Sounds like she still loves me!
Iloveyoutoomummsiewumsy -- everytime I try to say that, it comes out as a pathetic, "MEOW!" Oh, well, I'd better start purring now... puuuuuurrrr! puuuuurr!
Ok, I must sit for second and look at her now and slay her with my impressive doe-eyed (gawd! --- why am I always referencing all these other animals!) look. Ok, now to stand up, tail upright, and walk towards her. Oh crap, this open lightbox cramps my style. I shall walk on the buttons now! Ooooooh -- this thing is nice and warm... I think I shall lie down here for a while! Mmmm...
"Sweetiekins! How is mumsie going to read her Sunday papers on the internet if you insist on lying down on my laptop keyboard like that? C'me here you bundle of joy! Let mommy kiss you! You are a naughty little baby boy Mister Tyler!"
Puuuuurrr! Puuuuurr!
Never fails -- every time!
The illustration is from the cover of the excellent graphic novel book by Joann Sfar, called "The Rabbi's Cat"
The King and U
4 days ago
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